


Black Beauty

by ToMakeMeDreamofYou



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Always, Angst, Consensual Sex, Dark Rey, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Visions, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, My First Fanfic, Unplanned Pregnancy, author doesn't know what they are doing, brief Poe/Rey, kylo's hard outer shell has a soft center, my space bebes will hurt before it gets better, poe's charming don't deny it, rey's just trying to live her life, reylo is endgame, slowish burn, this is dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-04-22 11:27:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14307669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToMakeMeDreamofYou/pseuds/ToMakeMeDreamofYou
Summary: He didn’t see it coming.The Resistance was dead. The First Order was dead. His mother was dead. His masters were all dead.They all died by his hand, for his fate.But she was coming for him. A vengeful black stain in the Force moving with a fury he had never possessed.He awaited his inevitable fate with a smile on his too big lips, because his Force Bond vision was coming true.But he didn’t see it coming, because he didn’t have a clue.My amateur attempt at what their Force Bond Visions were and how they manifest. There will be some dark themes and bad things happen to both of them before it ever gets better. Happy-ish ending with Reylo as endgame...just not how you expect (I think/hope). I love Reylo fanfic and am in awe of so many of you writers! I probably have no business attempting this, but here goes nothing. Wheeeeeeee!





	1. Chapter 1

## 7 months and 1 week after Crait.

He didn’t see it coming.

The Resistance was dead. The First Order was dead. His mother was dead. His masters were all dead.

They all died by his hand, for his fate. 

But she was coming for him. A vengeful black stain in the Force moving with a fury he had never possessed. 

He awaited his inevitable fate with a smile on his too big lips, because his Force Bond vision was coming true. 

But he didn’t see it coming, because he didn’t have a clue.

## 1 week after Crait

Being the Supreme Leader is not what Kylo Ren thought it would be. All of this power at his literal fingertips, but he is restrained by a regime he never wanted to belong to and trapped in a seemingly endless war of ideologies he doesn’t believe in. He had blindly followed his Master into a spider web of chains meant to irrevocably tie him to Snoke’s precious First Order, even in his death. Even the Force Bond lives on beyond Snoke’s corporeal existence. 

The brilliance of this cannot be overstated.

Rey has been steadfast in her resolution to ignore him during their Force Bond sessions. The bond opens up with evermore increasing frequency with each day that passes. Kylo hasn’t had time to puzzle out the meaning of any of it. He often ignores her as well as his duties consume his existence. There is no such thing as a master-less life for Kylo Ren. He has simply traded one kind of master for another his entire life. But he has killed every master thus far and he doesn’t plan to stop for the First Order. He meant what he said to Rey in their Force Bond and in the throne room. He’s killing his past, one master at a time, until he is free to become what he was always meant to be.

Kylo is listening to the frantic voices of his senior officers --what’s left after Crait-- in yet another meeting on how to move forward. What the galaxy at large doesn’t know is that the First Order is hanging on by a thread. Over half of their fleet has been destroyed by the Resistance, they’re hemorrhaging financers as word of Snoke’s death begins to spread, and they can’t seem to manage to find and destroy the last few remaining Resistance members. It would be embarrassing if the situation weren’t so dire. The worst of it seems to be the dissension among the ranks. He’s not blind to Hux’s ambition and he’s aware Hux has the upper hand as the face and defacto leader of the fleet.

Suddenly the air around him seems to pause and his ears pop as all sound falls away. Kylo grimaces as he stands and exists the meeting. Hux’s calculating gaze follows him as the other officers continue their screeching, burning into his back as he exits the room and sets a brisk pace back to his quarters. He finds her sitting on his couch and watches her face shift as she realizes the bond is open again. Their eyes meet briefly and his challenge hers not to look away. When it comes to Rey it seems he is always begging. He isn’t surprised when she sets her jaw and looks away. His chest heaves with a sigh as he settles his large frame in the chair across from Rey. He’ll let her ignore him but he’s not going to make it easy for her.

They’ve been ignoring each other for several minutes in silence when Rey sits up straighter and begins moving her gaze, as if following someone as they move about her. “Yes, Dr. Kalonia explained everything and I understand. I’m ready for you to proceed,” she says, confident and determined. He watches as she holds out her left arm and then hears her hiss briefly as if in pain. Before he can think to ask what’s going on, Rey is rubbing a spot on her arm as she politely thanks whoever is with her. 

“Rey, what –” Kylo sputters out before the bond closes as quickly as it opened.

He jerks out of his chair and stands for a moment, stunned by what he thinks he just witnessed. He thrusts his right hand out and calls his holopad to him and begins stabbing the screen with his finger to type out his search. It doesn’t take long to confirm his suspicions. Rey has had a birth control implant injected into her arm. His chest is heaving again as he feels the rage bubbling up inside. He hurls the holopad across the room and his lightsaber is in his hand and lit before he knows it, the reaction mindless at this point.

“Who are you fucking, Rey?” Kylo screams into the cold nothing of his empty room. 

The images rise up, unbidden in his mind. Rey in the arms of that traitor, of that pilot he once tortured, of random male Resistance members. She’s naked and panting, skin flushed with pleasure as her body writhes beneath any one of the men in his mind. And just like that his couch is reduced to an angry molten wound by the blade of his lightsaber. Alone in the dim lighting of his cold room as his ship hurtles through space, Kylo thinks to himself that, no, being Supreme Leader is not what he thought it would be.


	2. Chapter 2

##### 2 weeks after Crait

Hux makes his check mate move a mere 2 weeks after Crait. Thanks to that pompous speech he gave on Starkiller, Hux has become the face of the First Order, garnering him a powerful, and rich, fan club a galaxy wide. Hux never turns down the chance to be a human peacock for the cause. And his peacocking is bringing back the funding the First Order so desperately needs right now. It is a very public move to make himself indispensable and the rumblings of loyalty shifts grows ever louder. While Kylo isn’t blind to the matter, he can’t bring himself to care about any of it. Let Hux make his move and plot his pathetic takeover. He plans to tear the First Order apart and it’s rather handy to have Hux creating a roster of absolution for him. His tolerance for masters is at an end and so he let’s Hux play his part. A rabid cur’s weakness, when properly manipulated, can be a sharp tool after all.

Kylo Ren is a man of action. A soldier meting out pain for a purpose. With purpose. But now, without the oppressive presence of Snoke’s insidious voice in his head, he is a man adrift. He’s spent his entire life in a constant state of rebuilding himself to fit a master’s vision and so, he is ill prepared to deal with the unavoidable fact that his victory is more nightmare than dream. He pushed so far and bore so much only to find the finish line easily scattered like the salt on Crait. Kylo is left feeling betrayed. Betrayed by his parents, betrayed by his masters, betrayed by Rey, and betrayed by the Force.

The Force Bond has been quiet lately. It opened almost daily for a week and then inexplicably stopped after the last session a week ago. The session where his bondmate had a birth control implant placed as he watched helplessly, lightyears and a vision away. And while he is somewhat mollified by the knowledge that Rey will not grow the seed of another man, he can’t escape the truth of what she must be doing, even now. Or what she has already done. Kylo has never been a good sleeper, but the nightmares now plaguing him have been especially torturous. He’s not sure which part is worse, that his mind stubbornly refuses to stop showing him image after image of every sex act Rey could be engaging in with an always circulating cast of Resistance members, or that he wakes from each nightmare with a painfully erect member that demands release. A release he finds embarrassingly quickly as he replays his favorite scenes from whatever nightmare awoke him that night.

He grunts at the implied insanity that he has favorite scenes from nightmares.

The real insanity is that he can’t stop questioning how Rey could possibly be open to sharing herself with anyone but him. He knows she saw a future with him in her side of the bond vision when they touched hands. That moment was the first time since leaving Luke to join Snoke that another human being had touched him without intending to harm. But how it harms him now to realize that moment meant so little to Rey. Killing Han Solo may have split his sprit to the bone but Rey’s betrayal has shredded it apart until he doesn’t recognize himself anymore.

The combination of betrayal and hollow victory is potent. Lethal. Kylo’s track record on lashing out at the few who get close enough to hurt him is impeccable. For Kylo Ren is a man of action. But he doesn’t have a clue how to proceed, because he doesn’t want to kill Rey. She isn’t the past, she is the future. He saw it in his vision and she saw it in hers, and that must all mean something. It must mean something, for if the Force betrays him in this too, he will lose the last thread of sanity he has left.

And it is in this precise moment of morose contemplation that the bond opens again.

Rey appears next to him, on his bed, lying serenely on her side facing him. Her eyes are closed and her breathing is deep and even. He hasn’t been this close to her since the throne room and he wastes no time in consuming every bit of her flesh that her thin, scratchy blanket doesn’t cover. The lighting in his room is on his preferred setting of dim, but he doesn’t need light to see Rey. She is the light, his light. She’s beautiful, always, but in the peaceful pose of sleep there is a weightlessness to her that makes her shine. She looks happy, and that thought brings a frown to his lips and scowl to his brow. She’s not suffering nightmares. He knows it’s selfish, but he needs her to be as miserable without him as he is without her. It’s another tally mark of her betrayal. Slowly he reaches out with one hand and gently caresses the side of her face from her hairline to her neck. Rey shifts slightly in her sleep. Kylo halts his hand until it is clear she is still asleep before continuing his wanderings down to her collarbone. She shifts again, releasing a soft grunt as she rolls onto her back. His hand slides along her shoulder as she moves and she half-shrugs at the pressure of his hand.

“I thought you went back to your bunk Poe,” Rey croaks as her eyes begin to flutter open. Kylo’s blood burns icy hot. He yanks his hand back with a hiss and springs from his bed. The flurry of movement startles Rey fully awake. Fear wipes the peace from her face as she sits up, clutching the blanket to her chest. She gapes like a fish on land, but no sound is brave enough to escape her throat.

“Poe,” Kylo snarls as he paces like a caged animal, his right-hand twitching with the effort to hold back from calling his lightsaber. If he stops moving, he will do something he regrets. “Poe is the reason you got that gods-damned implant! You’re fucking that kriffing excuse for a pilot. I’m going to kill him,” he spits.

Rey just blinks at him. She’s sitting in his bed, now obvious that she is naked under that blanket, and blinking at him. For a minute he thinks she might try to ignore him until the bond closes.

“Kylo –”

“So, I’m Kylo to you now,” he taunts.

“Kylo,” she says firmly, “I don’t owe you an explanation.”

She’s gathering the worn blanket around her as she fumbles her way out of the bed. He’s not sure why, but he finds himself backing up to give her room to stand up without crowding her space. Nonetheless, it doesn’t stop his imposing frame from towering over her. Somehow his fierce scavenger looks regal in her indignation. Because make no mistake about it, Rey is furious now. Fear never holds her back for long.

“You owe me everything. We’re bondmates, Rey. Our future belongs to each other and you fucking Poe Dameron won’t change that. But his future just got kriffing shorter. I will kill him, and any man you give yourself to,” he boasts. But his bluster fades quickly as he immediately pleads, “Don’t take anyone else to your bed, Rey.”

“I can and will sleep with whomever I wish! It’s my decision to make. Not yours and not some Force vision that your creepy Master used to trick us,” Rey fumes, the hand not clutching the blanket curling into a fist.

“Then why stop at the pilot,” Kylo sneers as he doubles down on his pain. “Go ahead and get on your back and spread your legs for every man left in the Resistance. In fact, when you’re done making the rounds there, come to my ship and spread for every Stormtrooper on board. I know how much you like my Stormtroopers, Rey.” He’s not sure why he’s spitting this filth at her but he can’t stop himself. If he can’t lash out with his sword, he’ll do it with his tongue. Kylo Ren is a man of action after all.

“You’re a vile snake, Kylo Ren,” she seethes through clenched teeth. He smirks down at her even as his eyes betray him.

“Is that better or worse than a murderous snake?”

“Why do you care?”

“Why don’t you?” 

Rey shakes her head and blinks up at him. Again. It seems to be a thing with her.

“It’s not an absolute, Kylo. I care about you, you know that. But you also know why we can’t be together. And I’m not going to stop living my life while you sort yourself out.”

“The Force wants us together and you can’t fight the Force, Rey. Don’t go down the path of my faithless uncle,” he warns.

“No, I don’t believe that. I will not be manipulated by you or the Force. From where I stand the Force has done nothing to help you or me or anyone. When I was on the island with Master Skywalker –”

“Don’t call him master,” he snapped.

“—I felt the Force at work. It didn’t need me, or Luke, or you to work in balance with the living. The Force doesn’t need us, and we don’t need the Force. Using it has brought nothing but misery for you, your family and the galaxy. No matter how power manifests, be it the Force, money, or political influence, it brings corruption and destruction.”

“Stop, Rey,” he says softly. His heart is beating so loudly in his chest he knows she must hear it. What she’s saying is blasphemous. He’s no Jedi or Sith, but he believes in the Force and that being a Force user is sacrosanct. It must be for what else has his life meant without it. He’s suddenly reminded of how, as a child, he had only wanted to be a pilot like --. He shakes that thought away. No, the Force is wise.

“Why Poe?”

Rey turns to sit back down on the bed with a heavy sigh. Her head is bent down so he can’t see her face but her shoulders droop. He slowly lowers himself down to sit beside her, careful not to touch her.

“I’m not going to explain myself to you. I don’t owe you anything. But I am sorry that my actions have caused you pain.”

Kylo snorts at this. She turns to face him now and he’s shocked to feel her hand over his. He stares at the point where his flesh meets her flesh unblinking until his eyes burn. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. He closes his eyes. It stings his pride to accept her pity, but it’s the closest to a positive emotion he can get from her right now and he’ll take it. He’s always begging when it comes to Rey.

“Come to me, Rey,” he pleads. She removes her hand from his and it takes every ounce of willpower he possesses not to snatch her hand back to his.

“No.”

“I need you.”

“I know.”

His eyes snap open as he whips his head in her direction, but she’s already gone. The bond is quiet again. In the absence of Rey’s tempering presence, the rage rushes back up to the surface. Fine then. If she won’t come to him, he will hunt her down. He will hunt down the last of the Resistance and slaughter each one of them personally. He slaps his hand on the com he keeps next to his side of the bed.

“Hux, it’s time to give our new investors something to boast about at their next dinner party. Meet me in the ready room. Now.” He doesn’t care that it’s the middle of the night cycle on the _Finalizer _. For Kylo Ren is a man of action and his rabid cur needs a new bone to chew.__


	3. Chapter 3

##### 2 Months after Crait

If his nightmares were credits, Kylo could afford to replace all the investors. There is no respite for him in the day, he simply trades one set of ghosts for another, and the weight of it all is beginning to show. Restful sleep eludes him. His already pale complexion has turned sallow. The dark circles under his eyes and the red of his too big lips exaggerating his pallid face. He never should have gotten rid of his helmet, he laments to himself during the endless meetings he is required to attend. Now secluded in his room he runs a hand through his limp locks with a sigh as he leans forward to prop his elbows on his knees. The mighty Kylo Ren is no longer sinking, he’s flailing, and in desperate need of solidarity. Finding the last of the Resistance is losing favor with the new investors. They’re eager to flex their influence and want results, now. Hunting the Resistance is monopolizing precious resources they demand to be used on other endeavors. And Kylo Ren is not privy to what exactly these other endeavors entail. His inquiries are brushed off as too pedestrian to burden the likes of the Supreme Leader. Reading minds proves to be a fruitless waste of energy he can’t afford. Hux is keeping his plans close to his vest and besides, his mind is impenetrable. Snoke saw to that personally. Hux is not wasting time in his brazen subversion of the Supreme Leader role, all at the behest of investors afraid of another Force user’s ascension to fill the vacuum left by Snoke. It seems the astute investors have lured his rabid cur away with a meatier bone.

He’s never been one for planning strategy, instead relying on brute strength and the Force. Often, his actions are dictated by the emotion of the moment. It’s not always to his advantage. He wasn’t ready to replace Snoke. He can see that now. But he was backed into a corner, drowning in his and Rey’s fear, and so he made his choice. Safe-guarding his future with Rey was a powerful motivator. Now he’s losing ground on all fronts with no exit strategy, because he didn’t see any of it coming. His future is not going the way he thought it would, which brings him back to the Force. How could his vision, a gift from the Force, be so wrong? Has he not given enough to the alter of the Dark Side? He groans, loud and long, as he pushes himself out of his chair and lumbers to stand at the viewport in his room. It would seem not finding answers in the Force is yet another thing he and his bondmate have in common. He should investigate how to open the bond at will, because he needs Rey. Right now. And then the answer slams into his consciousness: he has the missing coordinates to Luke’s map. He saw so much more during their shared Force vision than Rey’s parents or their future. Why didn’t he remember this sooner? Most likely because he’s been treading water ever since his humiliating defeat on Crait. But as quickly as the idea solidifies, he dismisses it. Rey isn’t foolish enough to go back there and his uncle is dead. There’s nothing left on that island for him. His shoulders sag under the weight of yet another personal defeat.

Suddenly the hairs at the back of his neck prickle and his flesh erupts in goosebumps. It’s the outer ripple of the wave signifying the death of a Force user. His chest vibrates with the staccato beat of his heart, shoulders exaggerated in their movement as he pants in anticipation. Dread churns in his belly, hot and acidic.

His mother is dead.

Leia is one with the Force now.

The implications of this knowledge are beyond his comprehension as he is immediately buffeted by conflicting emotions.

Rey is still alive. It isn’t his Rey. He collapses to his knees as the tension in his body releases in the wake his relief. The Force has not forsaken him in this at least. But then the harsh reality begins to sink in.

His mother is dead. He is the last living Skywalker. The last living Solo. The last of his lineage.

Kylo Ren is well and truly alone in his existence. His parents are dead. His Masters are dead. And he is trapped on a destroyer surrounded by enemies.

What is that sound?

It’s not crying. No, it’s choking. Kylo is choking. He slams back into the moment as he doubles over to vomit on the floor, the stars his only witnesses.

The Dark Knight.

The Jedi Killer.

The heir apparent to Darth Vader, sobs, alone, on his knees, into a dark and empty room.

Sometime later, Kylo peels himself off the floor and calls for a service droid to clean up his mess while he showers in the fresher. He gives serious consideration to ordering tranquilizers from the medbay, because he needs a break from his reality and sleep won’t do it. The idea is tossed aside because he’s not entirely sure he can trust anyone on the ship. Instead, Kylo goes to his personal training room attached to his quarters and works through his forms. The muscle memory allows him to flow through one form after another until he reaches a state that’s as close to meditation as he’ll ever get. It’s only when his muscles burn, and his body is covered in sweat that mats his hair to his head -his too big ears no longer concealed- that he stops. The physical activity has cleared his head and now he’s embarrassed of himself for breaking down and crying like a child. He hasn’t done that since he was a boy in his single digit years. Crying didn’t help then, and it won’t help now.

“How could you,” Rey choked out. Kylo whirls toward her voice. The bond is open, and he can see that she’s been crying. Her face is puffy, eyes red and swollen. “How could you order an attack on your own mother? What threat did she pose to you in that state?”

“I didn’t order—”

“Lies! All you do is lie,” she cuts in, finger stabbing violently in his direction.

“I have never lied to you, Rey,” he says as he holds his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

“Why? Why did you do it?”

Kylo sighs. This conversation didn’t go well the first time when she it was about his father.

“My mother always knew this day would come. She’s now a noble martyr to ‘the cause’ which is the only thing that ever really mattered. Her place in the story and history of the galaxy is solidified. I’m pretty sure she would thank me if she could,” he jeers.

Rey marches up to him and slaps him soundly across his face.

“Don’t hide from this, Kylo Ren.”

“I’m not hiding, it’s the truth. I never ordered an attack,” he says, but he can sense that Rey knows that isn’t the whole truth. He rubs at his cheek, the skin still stinging. Rey’s eyes follow his hand’s movement and she lurches back. He misses the warmth of her presence immediately.

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have slapped you, that was uncalled for,” she stammers. He can see that she is horrified by her reaction. He wonders how someone who grew up feral, literally fighting for survival daily, could feel bad for slapping him.

“It’s ok. I deserved it. I am still a monster, after all,” he replies.

“Don’t you miss her? Aren’t you sorry that you never made amends?”

“I’ve missed my mother every day that has passed since she shipped me off to my uncle. She’s the one who missed the chance to make amends. Not me,” he growls. Fresh tears flow down her cheeks. He can tell by the look on her face that that wasn’t the answer she was expecting.

“I’ve missed my mother every day of my life, too. Even with knowing why she never came back for me, I still want to see her. I still want to know her.” Rey wraps her arms around her middle to hug herself. He takes a cautious step in her direction.

“Have you even cried since they told you,” she asks.

“I felt her death in the Force,” he says and gulps loudly before continuing, “and yes, I cried. Why does that matter?”

She looks stunned at his admission. Or maybe it’s at the petulant question. He uses this moment to take another step forward to stand directly in front of her. “It matters because monsters don’t cry. There’s still Light in you… Ben,” she murmurs. The name makes him flinch and his eyes squeeze shut.

“I’m sorry about Chewie.”

His brow creases in confusion at this statement.

“What about Chewie?”

Rey mirrors his look of confusion at the question.

“What about Chewie, Rey?”

“He was killed. In the attack. I thought that would have been included in the report.”

“There hasn’t been a report. I felt her death in the Force, I wasn’t told,” he says as he realizes that Hux hasn’t contacted him to report. “Are you sure it was the First Order?”

She nods emphatically, “yes, there were survivors on another ship.” She sniffs as another set of tears begins to fall. “The attack didn’t just kill your mother.”

Kylo maneuvers Rey out of his training room and over to his couch to sit. “Tell me everything you know.”

“Read it in the report. I don’t want to talk about this.” The “with you” hangs in the air, unsaid but still heard.

There’s no way to predict how long the bond will remain open and he’s not going to waste time in a verbal duel with Rey. She responded well to his admission about crying before, so he pushes pride aside and reveals the full truth.

“There is no report, Rey. I was never told about this mission and until this moment, I believed our pursuit of the Resistance to be on hold. I was told that our financial backers wanted to focus efforts elsewhere. And before you ask, I don’t know anything about that either.”

“How is that possible? Aren’t you the Supreme Leader now?”

He takes a deep breath. “There is a coup unfolding to remove me from power. I suspected it immediately after Crait but allowed my emotions to sidetrack me. I believed myself to be as feared and untouchable as Snoke. But I failed to factor in Hux’s ambition.” He bows his head to hide his shame. “I don’t think I ever had control of the First Order.”

“Are you in danger?”

His pride can only handle so much in one day. “I’m the most powerful Dark Side Force user in the galaxy. They can’t kill me, “he boasts. She’s obviously skeptical, and, frankly, so is he.

“Tell me what happened, Rey. Please.” She pauses for a moment before nodding.

“Your mother suffered serious brain damage from her exposure to space during the evacuation attack. She began to deteriorate shortly after Crait. Our limited resources were inadequate to treat her, so we began searching for a discreet facility. Leia was not happy about all the fuss and insisted we focus on our next steps,” she sniffed. Kylo smirked. That was typical of his mother. The cause always came first. “Maz helped us find a benefactor willing to help treat your mother and give us another ship and supplies. We were desperate. The benefactor wished to remain anonymous, so we agreed to meet on Takodana. We couldn’t afford to be suspicious of their generosity.”

“It was decided that we would split up, just in case things went bad,” she continued. “Finn, Rose, me, and a few others were left at our new location.”

“Where are you now,” he queries, hoping he sounds casual enough to throw her off. He is not above taking advantage of her current emotional state. The glare she shoots his way is answer enough.

“Chewie, Poe and a few others left in the Falcon with your mother. The plan was to leave Chewie and the Falcon with Leia while Poe and the others would come back with the new ship and supplies.”

“Poe’s dead,” he states, jaw working furiously. Poe was meant to die by his hand. After a prolonged torture session. Rey sags into the couch and nods. They sit in silence for a few minutes before Rey can speak again.

“Yes, Poe’s d-dead. They were all killed when the Falcon was destroyed.”

Kylo’s not sure how to process this information. His childhood, all that remains of his past is gone. The Falcon has always been indestructible in his eyes. It was the one command he regretted from Crait and he was relieved when he discovered it was still intact. But there’s a nagging question in the back of his mind.

“If the attack happened with everyone still onboard the Falcon, how are there witnesses?”

“You really don’t know what happened, do you?”

“No, I really don’t.” And it’s beginning to cause concern as he considers the reasons he hasn’t been kept in the loop on anything to do with the Resistance.

“They were tipped off about the ambush before they could disembark from the Falcon. Somehow your men were already on the planet. The primary target was the Falcon, so Poe left two men behind to take the new ship back to us once he was able to ditch the TIEs.”

“That arrogant kriffing bastard excuse for a pilot,” he muttered. Rey either ignored him or didn’t hear him.

“The survivors were successful in leaving the planet without incident.” She offers a wan smile, “so we have supplies and a way off this planet at least. The Resistance isn’t finished yet.” He admires her practicality. It reminds him of his mother.

“You’re in danger.”

“I’ve been in danger every day of my life. I can handle myself,” she retorts.

“That ship probably has a tracker, Rey. The First Order is likely already on their way to your base right now,” he says. “If they knew the Falcon was coming, and who was on it, then they know what that ship was for.” He’s got her attention now. Rey sits up as fear flits across her features.

“You need to locate the tracker and disable it. Don’t stop at just one, they most likely put 2-3 trackers on the ship. Then you need to get the fuck off that planet and into hyperspace. You also need put those Jedi mind reading tricks to work because there’s a spy in your midst,” he warns. Then Rey disappears and the bond closes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you need life to come at you at light speed, might I recommend you start writing a fanfic? lol It's the end of the school year, and it's just stupid busy. Also, writer's block sucks. I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but it's done. I hope you enjoy!

##### 2 Months after Crait

Kylo paces the length of his viewport, jaw clenched, his leather gloves creaking as he flexes and curls his hands. It’s only mere minutes since the bond closed, but it feels like an eternity. His scavenger is fierce, he should feel sorry for whomever dares to cross her, but he’s helplessly worried about her safety. And he doesn’t know what to do with this overwhelming feeling inside; threatening to squeeze the air from his lungs. He is reminded of the moment in the throne room, when Snoke was torturing Rey, for he is once again drowning in fear for Rey, and for himself. He wants to neutralize the threat. Immediately.

But how? Rey’s location is unknown to him. The objective of this attack is unknown to him. His place in this moment is unknown to him. Kylo growls, calling his lightsaber to his hand, the blazing heat and crackling sound a welcome break to the cold silence of his room.

He swings his sword up and across his body, over his head; the momentum of his movement twisting his body, with all the grace of a dancer, as his sword arcs down. He is never more in his element than when he is swinging his sword in a tangible release of emotion. That this release is deadly and destructive has never bothered him. But the satisfying sound of destruction never comes, and Kylo is left crouching and panting, his sword powered off at the last possible inch. His eyes widen in surprise as he stares at his trembling hands, still gripping his lightsaber’s hilt.

_You have too much of your father’s heart in you, young Solo._

__No, no no! The lightsaber hilt falls to the floor with a dull thud. His hands clutch his head. He is nothing like his father!_ _

_Strike me down in anger and I’ll always be with you. Just like your father._

His chest rumbles with a low growl.

The growl grows erupts into a frustrated shriek, “Fuck!”

His father always shot first and asked questions later. Han Solo had swagger, but no strategy. A hot-headed scoundrel pilot who managed to charm his way into the heart of a fiercely ambitious princess. He can’t escape the sudden feeling that his father would have the answers to his current problems. Han didn’t understand the Force—or his son with the Force—but he understood the heart, and he understood getting out from between a rock and a hard place.

He doesn’t have time to dwell on the past. What Kylo needs right now is a strategy, any strategy; he’s not picky. But something about Rey’s version of events keeps nagging at him. It doesn’t add up, and that has him worried about the First Order’s agenda. Confronting Hux will get him nowhere, and besides, leaving Hux in the dark gives him an advantage. It’s not much, but it’s something… he hopes. The jarring chirp of his comm interrupts his thoughts. It’s Hux, of course.

“Supreme Leader, I have exciting news to share with you.”

Kylo waits a beat for the inevitable announcement of his mother’s death. Except Hux isn’t forthcoming over the comm.

“What is it?” he barks.

“I believe it is best if you receive the news on the bridge,” Hux replies, his voice infuriatingly smug.

Kylo doesn’t bother with a response. He clips his lightsaber onto his belt and puts his cape back on before heading to the bridge.

__________________________

Kylo enters the bridge with his trademark stomp and billowing cape. His position may be precarious, but his presence is as imposing as ever. Appearances matter and he intends to play this exchange to his advantage. The fifteen-minute trek from his quarters to the bridge gave him time to cool his head. He needs to stop reacting in emotion and start plotting. He doesn’t know what, exactly, he is plotting, but he’s sure it ends with Hux’s head severed from his body by his lightsaber. After he makes Hux witness the implosion of the First Order while he is at the helm. Kylo doesn’t bother to hide his smirk as he approaches the ginger haired general, who is standing in all his smug glory while flanked by his lackeys on both sides.

The Force tells him the mood of the bridge is decidedly… upbeat. Of course, it is, he reminds himself. No one knows General Leia as his mother. This isn’t sad news for his side of the war. And not long ago this wouldn’t have been sad news for him personally, but there’s no time to examine that right now. Kylo checks his expression, careful to appear neutral, as Hux proudly proclaims the Resistance defeated with the death of its general and all remaining militants. Hux is all too happy to detail the destruction of the _Falcon _.__

__

__“I was aware of General Leia’s death hours ago,” he says in a bored tone._ _

__

__Hux blinks at him in surprise as Kylo chuckles._ _

__

__“You mean you didn’t know?” he asks, his voice dripping with sincerity, “Surely you suspected that the daughter of Darth Vader would have Force abilities. And surely you would also know that a Force user, such as myself, can feel the death of another Force user.” This is good. Remind the audience of his superiority. It’s a start._ _

__

__“I-I was not… aware--“Hux splutters, his face turning a delightful shade of pink._ _

__

__“I am aware that the_ Falcon_ was destroyed while being piloted by Poe Dameron. I am aware that several Resistance members of high rank were on the ship with General Leia when our men blew that piece of space junk out of the sky over Takodana.”

Kylo takes note of the squirming discomfort sweeping through the bridge. This is not the gleeful announcement of victory and celebration they expected. He’s not the only one being misled here. Humiliation is the key to undermining Hux, and nothing is more humiliating than looking like a careless fool in front of subordinates.

The general’s face is approaching crimson in color by now, but the hard glint in his pale eyes betrays his suspicion of Kylo.

“I am also aware that the report of this mission has a glaring omission,” he states.

“Omission? I’m not sure—”

“The ship that escaped from Takodana, obviously. The ship piloted by Resistance members. The ship taking supplies back to the rest of the Resistance, back to the scavenger bitch who killed Snoke,” he snarls.

“Long live the Supreme Leader!” the mass of voices monotone in unison. All except one voice.

Hux doesn’t even try to hide the malice in his expression.

“Who gave you that information?” the general demands.

Kylo smirks. Got him. It’s telling that Hux doesn’t ask how he got the information.

“That is none of your concern, General. Your concern should be how your men allowed a slow-moving cargo ship to escape. Why wasn’t that included in the report?” Kylo demands, knowing full well that no such report exists. But he knows Hux can’t admit that out loud while in such mixed company. Appearances matter, now more than ever. The general is trapped in a cage of his own reputation’s making.

“Are you trying to hide your men’s incompetence?” he goads.

“Absolutely not! My men are not incompetent,” Hux loudly proclaims.

“Perhaps we should consider using a cloned army instead.”

“Wha…are you...how dare you—” Hux’s complexion has turned pomegranate at this point. It clashes jarringly with his orange-red hair.

“How dare I? I am the Supreme Leader! Or have you forgotten?” Kylo spits as he stomps over to Hux, his cape brushing against the general’s legs when he stops a hair’s breadth away. They’re both tall men, but Hux still must turn his gaze up to lock eyes with him. He can see the questions tumbling around the general’s mind as they stare each other down in the time-honored tradition of male posturing. Except Hux shouldn’t be posturing to the Supreme Leader. And it takes a minute too long for Hux to realize his mistake.

“My apologies, Supreme Leader. I’m not sure what came over me,” Hux grovels, stepping back and training his eyes to the floor at Kylo’s feet. “I will personally ensure the report is properly updated.”

“There will be no grand announcement of this mission as long as the Resistance lives, no matter how small their numbers dwindle. Gather our top commanders for a strategy meeting within the week,” he demands.

“Sir, that’s just not possible. Our investors—” Hux breaks off with a strangled cry, his hands clawing at his throat as he gasps for air. His lackeys all take several steps away and avert their gazes from their choking leader as he falls to his knees.

Kylo’s extended hand curls as it trembles with the Force. His sneers down at Hux’s crumbling form and doesn’t release his chokehold until the general passes out on the shiny black floors of the bridge. The mood on the bridge is pregnant with expectation as everyone seemingly holds their breath.

“Mitaka!”

The visibly shaking officer stumbles forward from the rest of the pack.

“Y-y-yes, s-sir, S-supreme Leader?” The poor man looks like he’s about to place himself into a chokehold. Kylo sighs.

“Mitaka, I want you to personally update the report and then hand-deliver it to my chambers immediately. The time doesn’t matter,” he commands.

“Y-yes, sir!” Mitaka shouts, before cringing.

Kylo casts one last disdainful look at Hux and then sweeps his cape over the general as he stomps off the bridge. That didn’t go exactly how he wanted it to go, but it’s a start. It’s only a matter of time before gossip about this exchange begins to spread. And it wasn’t Kylo passed out on the floor at the end of a humiliating battle of wills.

This time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of Reylo in this chapter. But this needed to happen so we can get to all of that delicious Reylo action coming soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: there's a brief mention of non-con. It's brief, not detailed, not real, and not between Reylo.

##### 2 Months A.C.

In the quiet darkness of his chambers, Kylo spends the next few hours mining his exchange with Hux for anything that can be used to his advantage, but all he’s come up with are more questions and a murky idea of what to do next. He may have tipped his hand in letting Hux know--in so public a setting--he knows that Rey is still alive, but Hux’s reaction to that had been more than telling. Hux knows Rey is alive—despite his boast of destroying the Resistance—and he doesn’t want that information public, to a degree that he is willing to risk treason to hide it. But why? There’s an obvious bounty on Rey’s head. She’s wanted alive, but unharmed, so that she can face a very public and brutal execution. Her death will send a clear message to the galaxy once the First Order declares themselves officially victorious. Kylo himself sanctioned that bounty immediately after Crait.

Hux doesn’t know Kylo never intends to follow through on the execution. He didn’t know that himself when he sanctioned it.

What could the general possibly gain from ordering the ambush? The investors made it clear they were no longer interested in pursuing the ragtag crew left after Crait. Money and aid no longer flow into the Resistance, which is a death nell of its own. Even Kylo can see the wisdom in letting hope be crushed under its own weight.

What’s the advantage to keeping it secret from Kylo? It’s known galaxy-wide that the Supreme Leader wants the Resistance snuffed out for good.

Why didn’t he want it public that a ship was able to get away? That detail was not a surprise to Hux. No, the only surprise on the bridge today is that Kylo was aware of any of it. And while he has always been the blunt instrument of war, Hux has always operated with carefully controlled finesse. Nothing about this mission seems carefully controlled. There’s no strategy. Taking out the face of the Resistance is certainly advantageous, so why lie about the rest of it? Hux has a cooler head than Kylo, and the emotional backlash of Crait was not to be repeated. If he truly wanted to track the rest of the Resistance to deliver their final death blow, then why not report it as such?

The only possibility Kylo can glean from this is that Hux wants Rey dead, and he doesn’t want Kylo involved. It would seem the most grievous error he’s made since Crait is in trusting the enemy that he knows within. Scratch that, it’s been trusting his control of the enemy within. Part of him is impressed with the general’s ambition—for no doubt the investors loyalty to Hux will be solidified if he succeeds. If Hux had the Force, he would make a most impressive adversary. Of course, he’s mildly curious as to why Hux isn’t focusing on taking out the Force user in his midst. Killing Rey--as if anyone but him even stands a chance at it--before she gets the chance to kill Kylo seems counterproductive to Hux’s plot.

At least Hux is strategic enough to know not to attempt to kill him…he thinks. Perhaps the fool intends to ingratiate himself with Kylo after all and is simply using the investors. He can’t help but smirk smugly at that thought. The Force will be the prevailing factor in this, as it is in all things that matter, and Kylo is the most powerful Force user in the known galaxy. Well, most powerful in the dark. His counterpart in the light will join him soon enough.

“Soon, sweetheart. Soon we will be together, and nothing will stand in our way,” he whispers reverently into the dark.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kylo blinks blearily at the ceiling over his bed, waiting for the blood pounding in his ears to return to normal. He’s panting softly while squirming in his damp sheets; it was another nightmare, but this one was different. It had started off like many others: Rey was in the arms of that kriffing pilot, naked and moaning softly, their bodies rocking together in the gentle rhythm reserved for lovers familiar with each other. And try as he might, Kylo couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scene in front of him. It was like watching broken glass flying at his eyes without blinking.

But then the dream began to shift. The movement was all wrong, and Rey sounded more distressed than pleasured. The pilot’s body mutated into a pale, red-haired monster smothering Rey with the weight of its body as it jerked between her legs.

Hux was choking Rey, killing her, even as he was…

NO!

He wakes from his dream with a painfully hard and leaking erection. Cursing himself softly, he jerks the covers off and his sleep pants down, just enough to accomplish the task at hand. It doesn’t take much. A handful of pumps and he’s spilling onto his stomach. He wallows in self-loathing as he comes down from his release. What kind of monster finds pleasure after seeing those images in his mind? He would never harm Rey, especially like _that _, and he would never wish that upon her. Kylo shudders. He never had this problem when Snoke occupied his mind.__

__

__And because this moment couldn’t be anymore awkward, the bond opens up for the first time since he warned Rey about the ship. The Force has a sadistic sense of humor. He hears the soft gasp that tells him she can see him. All of him. He squeezes his eyes shut as his skin heats in humiliation._ _

__

__“Do you have a towel or something you can use to clean yourself up?”_ _

__

__He can hear the grin in her voice before opening his eyes to see the smirk on her blushing face as she pointedly looks away. All at once he feels lighter, the weight of the galaxy lifting from his shoulders. His Rey is alive and well and must be safe if she is this at ease with him._ _

__

__He hastily wipes himself off with the edge of his sheet before pulling his sleep pants back up his hips. Rey closes the distance between them and lowers herself to sit on the edge of his bed, her eyes never wavering from his._ _

__

__“Thank you,” she says. He releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding and gives a short nod in response. “I mean it, thank you. We found 3 trackers on the ship. You were right.”_ _

__

__“I promise, I didn’t know anything—” She holds her hand up to stop him._ _

__

__“I know. I believe you, Ben,” she says softly._ _

__

__He ducks his head as he pulls himself up to lean against his headboard. He doesn’t want her to see how much her use of his given name affects him._ _

__

__“You’re someplace safe now?”_ _

__

__“Yes. I—we—are all safe. Thanks to you.” He hums a response, unsure how to proceed._ _

__

__“Have you figured out who turned on you?” After what happened with Hux on the bridge knows her safety is merely temporary now._ _

__

__“No,” she shakes her head, looking down at her hands folded in her lap. “Everything happened so fast, and we only just got to this planet a few hours ago. But we destroyed the trackers and only Finn or myself have the ability to communicate off the planet.”_ _

__

__Kylo’s lips thin and his gaze hardens at the mention of the traitor’s name. That Rey so clearly and easily trusts that man hurts._ _

__

__“Are you safe?” Rey asks._ _

__

__“Yes, for now. Don’t worry about me,” he rushes to assure her._ _

__

__“I’ve been so worried about you,” she admits, her voice soft. On impulse, he takes her hand in his and squeezes gently. His beautiful, fierce scavenger girl is sitting on his bed as she admits to worrying about him. Him. The monster. Still, his heart warms at the sentiment. He can’t remember the last time someone worried about him. And now here’s Rey, lighting up his room with her very presence, telling him she cares. It’s impossible to resist the temptation to lean closer, and he’s emboldened when she doesn’t flinch. He lifts a shaking hand to tuck a stray hair behind her ears._ _

__

__“What planet are you on now?” And that was the wrong thing to ask, because her whole body tenses as she jerks out of his reach. The gentle intimacy of the moment shatters like glass._ _

__

__“I can’t tell you that,” she states, her voice firm._ _

__

__“I confronted Hux about the mission. You’re still in danger. I can help you, but you have to trust me,” he says. _Please, please hear the truth in my words _, he thinks.___ _

___ _

___“It’s not that simple, Ben! I’m not here alone, and it’s not just me that needs help. I can’t have the Supreme Leader of the First Order landing at our new location. Someone will end up hurt, or dead, or taken prisoner. My trust isn’t the only thing that matters right now. Besides, everyone will have too many questions. Questions I’m not ready to answer,” she wails._ _ _

___ _

___“So, they don’t know it was me who told you to check for trackers?” She shakes her head. “And they don’t know it was me who warned you to find a new location…” his voice trails off. “Everyone still thinks it was me who ordered the attack?”_ _ _

___ _

___Rey nods her head, but she at least looks somewhat contrite._ _ _

___ _

___“So, you believe me, but not enough to tell your friends,” he states, “Not enough to trust me, to let me help you.”_ _ _

___ _

___“No, it’s not that.” She shakes her head insistently, clearly agitated with him. “Tell me why you told me about the trackers?”_ _ _

___ _

___He gapes at her. Isn’t it obvious to her? Does she really not know what she means to him? “I didn’t want the First Order to get their hands on you,” he says._ _ _

___ _

___“Just me?” She asks. Where is she going with this, he wonders?_ _ _

___ _

___“I don’t understand—”_ _ _

___ _

___“Answer the question,” she commands, “Please.”_ _ _

___ _

___He sighs. He can’t escape the feeling that his answer will be wrong, no matter what he says in response._ _ _

___ _

___“Yes,” he confesses. “Just you.”_ _ _

___ _

___Rey nods solemnly. “And if I had told you I wasn’t going to be on that ship, would you still have warned me about any of it?”_ _ _

___ _

___At this he hesitates. The truth is, no, he wouldn’t have warned her. He doesn’t care about the rest of the Resistance. Eliminating the rest of the Resistance will push Rey back to him, and that’s not a chance he would pass up. But he also knows that admitting the truth will drive another wedge between them, for she cares more about those friends than she does him, for now. He also knows she will sense a lie through the bond. He doesn’t want to lie, but he can’t tell the truth. He aims for somewhere in the middle._ _ _

___ _

___“Even if you weren’t on that ship, I knew you would all be going to the same location. I wouldn’t risk your safety, no matter how much I want the Resistance gone,” he tells her, surprising himself with the truth of the statement. He shrugs off the nagging voice reminding him that it’s not the whole truth._ _ _

___ _

___His answers seems to mollify her because she takes his hand in hers again._ _ _

___ _

___“Do you still want the Resistance gone? Even now?” She asks._ _ _

___ _

___“Yes.” His answer is immediate and emphatic. Rey nods her head._ _ _

___ _

___“I trust you with my life, Ben but I can’t trust you with my friends, with my path,” she says, her voice small despite their proximity._ _ _

___ _

___This time Kylo yanks his hand away. He’s trembling with the effort to hold back his anger and hurt. Rey’s choosing the Resistance over him. Again. Just like his mother. Just like his father. There’s always something worth choosing over him, he thinks bitterly. Even sanctimonious Skywalker chose the dark side impulse to kill over helping him. No, he can’t let Rey make the wrong choice. The Force has fated them together, they are meant to be, to overcome any obstacle. Even if that obstacle is themselves._ _ _

___ _

___“Do you want to know why, Rey? Why I want the Resistance gone?” The silence that follows is deafening. If he couldn’t feel the bond in the Force, he would think the bond had closed already._ _ _

___ _

___“There’s nothing you can say that will make what the First Order is doing okay,” she replies. She won’t look at him._ _ _

___ _

___“Abandoning your only child isn’t okay. But that’s what my parents did. My mother chose the Resistance and her never-ending crusade for the underdog, all while she ignored the underdog in her own home. My father didn’t choose the Resistance outright, but it was something he could understand over his son with the Force,” his voice trembles with emotions too numerous to identify in the moment._ _ _

___ _

___“I didn’t join the First Order. I joined Snoke. He was a means to an end giving me the attention and direction my family refused. I want the Resistance to die because the Resistance stole my family, stole my life from me,” he grits out. And now he’s crying like an over grown child. Just great. He refuses to look at her._ _ _

___ _

___“Oh, Ben,” she murmurs. Suddenly Rey’s standing in front of him as he sits on the bed, and she wraps her strong, little arms tightly around his broader frame. His senses are overwhelmed by her touch, her scent, her warmth. He hasn’t been embraced like this since he was a child, and he finds that he can’t control the sobbing elicited by her sudden affection. After a moment’s hesitation, he returns the embrace and clutches her warm body to him tightly, afraid to let go of this moment._ _ _

___ _

___“Ben.”_ _ _

___ _

___He could die in this moment and be happy for all eternity. Rey’s body belongs tucked into his body. They were made for each other._ _ _

___ _

___“Ben.”_ _ _

___ _

___There’s so much skin touching skin, for Rey is only wearing her under tunic, leaving her arms deliciously bare against his naked torso._ _ _

___ _

___“Ben! Let go!” she grunts._ _ _

___ _

___In his mind, his Rey is a fierce warrior, and so he forgets that she’s smaller and more delicate than her larger-than-life image. He drops his arms and allows her to take a step back. She inhales deeply before parting her lips to speak._ _ _

___ _

___“No one knows about our Force Bond.” This revelation throws him for a beat._ _ _

___ _

___“You never told my mother?” She shakes her head. It’s redundant but he must know for certain. “Did you ever tell Poe?”_ _ _

___ _

___“No,” she whispers, “I haven’t shared this with anyone.” He’s not sure why this detail is important. He hasn’t told anyone about the Force Bond either. There’s no one and no reason to tell. This seems like a non-sequitur to him._ _ _

___ _

___“Do you understand what this means? For me?” she asks. Her eyes sparkle in the dark as she locks her gaze on him. He shakes his head dumbly in response. He’s still riding the contact high from their embrace._ _ _

___ _

___“It means that there’s no way to tell my friends how it was you who told me about the trackers instead of the Force excuse I gave them,” she explained. “It means that I can’t tell my friends about you warning me about a spy. It means I have to lie—that I’ve been lying—to my friends, because having a connection directly to the enemy won’t exactly inspire trust.” The slight tremble of her lower lip is the only warning he gets before tears begin streaming down her face._ _ _

___ _

___“We have to trust each other, Rey. The way forward is together, the Force showed us our future, together.”_ _ _

___ _

___“I won’t let you hurt my friends,” she states with a frown._ _ _

___ _

___“I won’t hurt your friends,” he agrees. He’ll say and promise anything if she’ll just trust him enough to give him her location._ _ _

___ _

___“Rey, I’ll leave the Resistance be. I won’t try to hurt your friends. I won’t try to take you away from them. I just need to see you, in person, and to know you are safe,” Kylo promises in a rush._ _ _

___ _

___“I don’t know,” she mumbles, “this doesn’t feel like a good idea. We’re on opposites sides of this war. In every way. This didn’t go well when I came to you. What’s changed since the throne room?”_ _ _

___ _

___“Everything,” he insists. “Everything has changed.”_ _ _

___ _

___Rey inhales, her lips parting and Kylo can feel in the Force that she’s still unsure. He realizes that she’s about to reject him again. Kylo has spent his entire life reacting on the emotion of the moment. For him, there is no other way through a situation. He submits to the reigning emotion and rushes forward to a tangible expression of everything he can’t say._ _ _

___ _

___Rey gasps out a surprised “Oh!” as his lips slot over hers. At first, he just hovers there, with their lips pressed against each other. He’s never kissed a girl before, not really. There were a few girls that let him get close enough to kiss, but those had been nothing but emotionless mashing of dry lips. They ended faster than they began. No, this is his first real kiss. He stays pressed against her mouth as the seconds tick by, unsure of what to do next, when Rey begins to move her lips over his. At first, he thinks she is ending the kiss. His heart drops and he’s unmanned by the sting of tears behind his closed lids. And then Rey makes the softest little sound in the back of her throat as she puts more pressure on his lips. Something primal inside takes over and he doesn’t have to think anymore._ _ _

___ _

___They embrace each other fully as their kiss deepens. There’s no finesse in this act, but Kylo pours every emotion he can feel into this moment, this kiss. Kylo could happily exist like this for the rest of his life, Force be damned. But the moment must end and so he does his level best not to resist when Rey gently pushes on his shoulders. Does she understand her hold over him now?_ _ _

___ _

___Rey smiles softly as she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and giggles. He’s never heard her giggle before and he vows right then to spend the rest of his life eliciting every sweet sound he can from her._ _ _

___ _

___“I was sitting in this exact same place the first time we had a breakthrough moment,” she says, softly, as if to herself._ _ _

___ _

___Kylo blinks and she disappears. He tears through his chambers in a fruitless effort to find her again, but she’s gone, and the bond is closed. His eyes close in concentration as he replays her last words over and over. She was about to tell him her location, he’s sure of it. And then he knows._ _ _

___ _

___Rey has gone back to Ach-to._ _ _


	6. Chapter 6

##### 2 Months, 2 Weeks, A.C.

Kylo’s mind is calm, even as he stomps through the gleaming halls of his destroyer, his cape billowing behind him. He carefully avoids eye contact with the officers skittering out of his way; it is yet another reason he wishes he hadn’t destroyed his helmet. Behind him, a beleaguered Mitaka struggles to keep up with Kylo’s long stride while also avoiding stepping on his cape.

The two weeks since he kissed Rey have been… refreshing. For one, his nightmares have abated, allowing him to sleep soundly and peacefully for the first time since, well, ever. And it surprises him how something as seemingly simple as sleep can affect his mind. As a soldier, he has spent most of his life training to overcome any weakness, biological needs included. Sleep and _fornication_ , as Snoke would sneer, are for weak-minded fools who lack discipline and vision and are easily misled by the pleasures of the flesh. Those touched by the Force are blessed, called for a higher purpose, and must overcome their biology.

_Well, fuck you, Snoke,_ Kylo thinks. Sleeping is now his second favorite thing.

The first, of course, is his Rey of Light.

She alone has made this miracle possible. They have visited frequently through the bond over the past couple of weeks, which allows him to keep tabs on her safety and wellbeing. It happens in fits and starts, for his scavenger has to be the most stubborn person alive—it reminds him so much of his mother’s tenacious spirit—but Rey is beginning to trust him. He just knows that, any day now, she will tell him her location herself; of course, he already knows, but he _needs_ her to tell him outright. He understands now how much trust means to her.

He can afford to be patient with Rey. For now. Kylo is also covertly acquiring supplies he knows Rey must need—field rations, basic medical kits, clothing and linens—and arranging clean transports for the moment Rey tells him to join her on Ach-To. He will prove to her that he means no harm to the people she considers friends. Nothing he’s bringing will help them advance their cause and he has no intention of allowing the Resistance to regain momentum. He’s doing this for Rey, not for the war.

Kylo strides through the open door to his personal chambers, lost in his musings. Mitaka pauses in the hall, offering a shaky salute to the stormtoopers standing guard, before awaiting permission to enter. Kylo’s chest heaves with a sigh as he tries not to roll his eyes at the trembling man. Mitaka has been instrumental in executing his plan, but the man lacks balls. There is no better way to put it, and it irks the alpha-male in him. He needs to toughen the man up or he’ll spin himself into a nervous breakdown, rendering himself useless to Kylo. That’s not something he can risk, for he finds himself painfully short on people he can trust within the First Order.

“Enter,” he barks as he gestures for Mitaka to follow him to the lounge area in front of his viewport. He shrugs off his cape, placing it on the glass top of his dining table, as he lumbers over to his bar. Perhaps sharing a stiff drink will help take the edge off. Corellian whiskey should do the trick, he thinks, as he pours two singles, neat, and turns to see Mitaka, standing stiffly in front of the couch, his eyes fixed on the floor at his feet.

Kylo promptly downs his drink and turns back to pour himself a double.

Getting Mitaka to loosen up and be social is like the blind leading the blind. He briefly contemplates calling for another bottle of whiskey as he walks back to the viewport. Instead, he nudges the officer to sit down and relax with only the tiniest of Force compulsions, before handing him his drink. This trust thing is hard work, maybe even the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. He’s never needed this skill, because until now, people either did what they were told, or they died.

War is simple like that sometimes.

The subterfuge required to thwart the enemies within requires a more delicate hand, and while he could simply order the man, he needs Mitaka to trust him for this plan to work; and so here he is, drinking whiskey with a high-ranking officer who shivers like a chihuahua while in his presence.

“Drink,” he orders, a little more harshly than he intended. Mitaka raises his shaking glass to his lips and takes a small sip.

“Very good, Supreme Leader,” he stammers.

“Call me Kylo during these meetings, I’ve told you this before,” he insists, careful to keep his tone even this time.

“Of course, S-sup—Kylo,” he stammers, again, and takes a bigger sip of his whiskey.

“Are the transports loaded and ready?”

“Yes, sir,” Mitaka winces before clearing his throat to continue, “your contact—the ‘Maker of Miracles’—has been most discreet in securing the ships and pilots you requested. They’ve all been loaded with the supplies you specified and are waiting on Bespin until we send the coordinates.”

Kylo nods his approval as he sips his drink.

“Your contact is a rather—um—colorful individual, if I may say so,” Mitaka shares.

“Yes, he is,” he answers with a smirk.

He notices Mitaka has finished his drink and gets up to pour him another. He doesn’t ask first. The rest of the meeting moves along smoothly. Mitaka stops shaking somewhere near the end of his second drink. He starts giggling after his third. The man cannot hold his liquor. But drunk Mitaka is a fun Mitaka and even Kylo feels himself relax a little bit, which means he starts showing off with the Force. By having the officer shoot him with a blaster at close range so he can stop the bolts in midair.

He’s juggling five blaster bolts in the air when the bond opens, and he hears Rey sobbing hysterically. One of the bolts begins to vibrate, then the others follow suit, one by one before they launch forward. Kylo only just barely bends back—aided by the Force—to allow the bolts to sail by without harm. Mitaka is dismissed and leaves for his quarters, with the help of one of the stormtroopers. That man is going to have a nasty headache in the morning. Kylo feels kind of bad, but he doesn’t dwell on it long as he stalks back into his quarters, following the sound of Rey’s despair.

“Rey! Are you ok? Who hurt you? I’ll kill them,” he snarls as he rushes to her side. She’s rocking on her heels, body curled into itself, head tucked into her knees. He doesn’t hesitate to take her into his arms and she doesn’t resist.

Despite the frequency of their bond sessions the past two weeks, they haven’t touched each other much. And they certainly haven’t kissed again, though Kylo desperately wants to every time he sees her. And when he’s thinking about her, which is all the time now. There have been lingering glances, glimpses of a hunger that has nothing to do with food, a shy smile or laugh. But no kiss. Kylo is determined to gain her affection, but he doesn’t know how to move forward. He tries not to think about how little time it took Poe to get her into bed with him, without a Force bond or being fated together. It seems she gives her trust and affection away so easily to everyone but him.

They sit on the floor embracing each other for what feels like hours before her sobs subside to sniffles. He murmurs softly into her hair as he nuzzles the top of her head.

“What happened?”

“I think I k-killed someone, with my Force powers,” she hiccups and grips him tighter. Kylo knew this day would come, it’s inevitable; Rey is an immensely powerful Force user with no training and no guidance.

“Tell me,” he requests, his voice soft and understanding.

“I was trying to read the mind of one of the pilots from Takodana. No one here recalls ever seeing him before, but one of the other pilots we do know has been vouching for him,” she begins. “His story didn’t add up, and so Finn asked me to read his mind to see if he was lying.” She pauses here when she feels Kylo’s body stiffen.

“This isn’t Finn’s fault,” she whispers. He grunts but gives no other response.

“I told Finn I didn’t know how to do it, but he said to just read it in the Jedi texts—”

“You have the ancient Jedi texts?” he asks incredulously. He thought those were a myth.

“Yes, but I can’t understand them,” she wails.

“How did you get them?” he demands, his heart racing.

“I’ve probably just killed a man with my mind and all you care about are these kriffing books,” Rey yells as she squirms out of his arms. “Does life mean so little to you?”

“Of course it means something to me,” he soothes. She stares at him for an interminable amount of time, her expression inscrutable, before she decides to continue.

“I couldn’t understand the writing in the texts. Finn insisted I could do it anyway, that he believed in me. So, I tried,” she gulped. “His mind had some kind of…shielding or something, I don’t know. It felt like hitting a wall. And I kept trying to break through it…until the man started screaming.” A sob rocks her body.

“I tried to stop, to pull out of his mind, but I couldn’t. I was stuck,” she quakes.

“He had training in mental shields, there’s no other way to explain it. Rey, he’s likely the spy,” he explains, not unkindly. Rey nods her head.

“Yes, but by the time I was able to stop, he was unconscious and bleeding from his nose and ears and— “she breaks off into another sob.

“It’s ok, Rey,” he soothes, “That pilot isn’t dead, but he’s going to have the worst headache of his life when he wakes up. It wouldn’t have happened like that if he hadn’t resisted.”

“But that’s not the worst part,” she sobbed. “The worst part is what I heard in my head from the people around me. From Finn.”

He knows exactly what they were thinking.

“You’re not the same as me,” he whispers.

“They’re afraid of me now.”

“Tell me where you are, Rey. You need a teacher,” he pleads. Kylo can fix this. He can help her control her powers.

“I-I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. You must, surely you can see that now,” he insists, but Rey is shaking her head vehemently.

“They already think I’m turning into you. What do you think they will think of me when you show up here after that demonstration?”

“I don’t care what they think, and neither should you,” he growls.

“They’re my friends!”

“And I have promised over and over again that I won’t hurt them,” he snaps. Having friends seems more and more like a weakness to be avoided. The effort it takes to make someone like you, and then keep them liking you, is exhausting. He’s losing patience with this game and so he plunges ahead despite the nagging voice in his head telling him he’s a kriffing idiot.

“You pose more of a threat to your friends right now than I do. But you don’t have to. Let me come to you and teach you, Rey. Please.”

“No,” she sobs as fresh, hot tears begin anew. Always with the rejection of his offers. The Supreme Leader of the kriffing universe is _begging_ to help her and she’s telling him no.

“You know I’m right, Rey.”

“No!”

The last thing he sees are the eyes of his frightened and hurt bondmate before she disappears.

“FUCK!”

He’s done being patient.

**Author's Note:**

> I have this story loosely mapped out. Future chapters will be longer. Any feedback is appreciated! It's scarier than I thought to put something out there for public consumption. Also, I don't have a beta, so this is all my fault. lol


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